Hey everyone, this is Adam. Today lets talk about a life changing attitude you can gain in order to: How to get what you want.
In the past I used to just let things happen to me. Although I had a lot of raw skills and abilities, things never seemed to work out for me. Life just kind of happened, and I saw a lot of failure.
I was always qualifying myself to others. If I saw a cute girl, I would ask myself, "Could I be good enough for her? How can I get her?" But never did I ever ask myself, "Is she good enough for me?"
Maybe there was a business opportunity that I wanted. I would go into the meeting needing that position. That's a bad mind space to have, and not very attractive. Wanting something is powerful, but needing it is a turn off.
This belied the wrong attitude. I should have been asking myself, "Is this job good enough for me? "Is this business opportunity right for me?"
But something has really turned around in my thinking. And that is gaining the conscious appreciation of my true worth. That totally changed how I engage with the world.
How did I change things so that people now come to me and desire that connection?
There's two main points about how to get the things you want in your life. These are going to apply to everything.
THESE ARE: HARD WORK, AND FRAME
The first one is the obvious one, but needs to be said. And that is hard work. You need to change your priorities, do consistently hard work, and start fostering new habits. Go to the gym, eat and dress better. Regarding business opportunities and money, you need to get out there and make it happen. Step out the door already. Whether it's learning the skills, or just the phone calls, you need to do make positive steps every day of consistent hard work.
Get a great, fit look, separating yourself from the pack. Get great Instagram game.
Go to bars, social scenes, artistic happenings. Improve yourself in money and business.
Everything is going to need to improve to become the best person you can be.
There's this whole trend of people that say: "You know, just be yourself." So how's that working out for you? Instead, become the best version of yourself. You need to be constantly striving and moving forward.
There's a saying by the ancient Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu: All battles are won before they are even fought. Before anything actually happens, you need to become the person that would win that battle, that would get that job, and that would get that girl. Stop being the underdog that everyone is rooting for, and instead become the badass that is favored to win it all. You could fake it for so long, but that's not really going to work.
Say you have this amazing product that you want to get out there. You start to advertise it saying how great it is. What's going to happen when you don't actually have the product ready, or its not really a good product? Its going to fail. You can't offer something that you don't actually have.
You have to have the best product, and that goes for yourself too. You may be good at meeting people, being able to go out there and get on the apps and
look good, and do the filters on your phone or whatever. But when it comes down to it, you actually need to get to know somebody. Until you've done the work on yourself,
the emotional, the physical, and the financial work that's necessary, you're not gonna maintain the better life. You're not gonna sustain the type of relationships that you want.
You have to do that consistent work every day.
FRAME
The other fundamental thing is called frame. Basically frame means that you hold a place, you hold frame. You see yourself as someone of value. It is thinking: You are entering my world, I'm not entering you your world.
So many people see a pretty girl, and they say: "Oh, I want to date that girl. Maybe I'll be good enough for her....maybe I'll impress her..."That type of attitude is putting someone else on a pedestal. It doesn't work. Don't you think high quality people don't have people chasing them, getting in their DMs all day long, trying to get their attention?
What would really impress somebody is to be the person who doesn't chase them. Be a person who just is cool on their own. It is just obvious when you are there....
the energy is just flowing from you when you walk into a room.... People want to listen to you. People want to connect to you. You are flowing with abundance. You've got it.
Anybody who brags has nothing to offer. Have you ever seen one of those guys who brags about their resume, their schooling? It is a beta move. It should be obvious to every person what you offer by your very presence. As they say: Don't explicate, instead demonstrate.
Another way to say it is: it's about attraction and not promotion.
And that's frame: Being the person you could be and maintaining that composure. Being somebody that others must qualify to: Is this job good enough for me? Is this client good enough for me? Is this girl good enough for me? It's not about can you fall into their category, its are they able to fall into your category, into your frame.
Before you go to a big meeting and you're worried, thinking, "I'm gonna have to explain what happened in the past." You have to change your attitude to realize maybe they aren't up to your level. You have the concerns whether you want that job. You need to interview them! People desire what they can't have. You really want that person, you need to flip the script. Are they good enough for you?
Its about frame control. They are entering your frame. This is my world, this is my reality.
This is my life, do you want to enter that?
Of course this greatness isn't all about you, of course. Its about what you can offer. Dale Carnegie says in the start of his book that when you write a business letter, you begin with what the other party will look forward to receiving. Nobody cares about what you are looking for, they're looking for somebody to solve their problem Whether it's loneliness, whether it's a business problem. How can you enter their life? What can you offer them? It should be obvious by just looking at you.
You don't need much other than yourself. Their problem is fixed by you having frame. By being a charismatic, attractive, strong and successful person, that's automatically going to answer that question for them. They will see your potential, as someone they want to have a relationship with. I have gotten jobs in interviews without the appropriate skillset because of my ability to hold frame. They will train someone whom they want to have a connection with.
If you're young and you haven't really built anything yet, all you really have is frame. A girl will see a guy who's got it going on and say: "Hey, that guy's got the qualities, the confidence I am looking for. He's got the things that I need in my life." She will just feel it.
It's all about how you value yourself. You are the prize! Not that girl, not that guy, not that job. You're the one they want in their life. You just have to see it that way. If you don't respect yourself and your needs, how are they gonna respect you? Be able to walk away from any relationship or any negotiation. The ability to walk away is your strongest negotiating tool.
t shows you have value.
People hate nice guys. Women are built to not like nice guys. You can't respect a people pleaser. When you have got it going on, you will see that others need to enter your world.
That's how you get what you want. All connection, comes from respect. You don't get love until you have respect. You don't get money until you have respect. No one wants to work with someone they don't respect.
Become the person you are meant to be! Do the work, day in and day out, consistently.
Build the frame that others want to enter. That's going to get you the things you want in your life.
This is Adam Law with Wanderings.
I am available for psychotherapy and coaching.
I'm here to help you to get your thing together.
Adammichlaw@gmail.com
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