Have you ever felt like you're surrounded by people but still missing those meaningful connections? Do you ever find yourself constantly bending over backwards in friendships or to please everyone around you, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness? Do you ever feel you're trapped in a cycle of trying to fit in with every crowd, no matter the toll it takes on your well-being? If you're nodding along, you're not alone. As a psychotherapist, clients have expressed to me similar experiences, as well as I have struggled with similar issues in my highschool years before having learned ways to overcome this and find true friends.
Here's the truth about friendships: friends should uplift you, not drain you. They should be a source of joy and support, not a constant battle for acceptance.
The Clinical Issue: Understanding People-Pleasing
Let's start by unpacking the root of the problem: people-pleasing. To further speak to the prevalence of the issue, 49% of adults as found on a yougov.com survey self-identify as people pleasers.
You might wonder what is people pleasing? It's that nagging feeling you must say yes to every request, even if it leaves you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. But here's the kicker: people-pleasing isn't about caring for others; it's about seeking validation and avoiding rejection. It's a coping mechanism we learned as children to survive challenging environments.This is a survival or coping strategy we learned as children to survive difficult environments, which can be effective in the short term, but can also lead to a dynamic where your personal needs are consistently sidelined for the sake of external harmony and acceptance.
Now that we have learned more about the issue at hand, how do we overcome it?
Principle 1: Learning to Say No
One of the first steps in breaking free from people-pleasing is learning to say no. It's okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Remember, saying no doesn't make you selfish—it makes you self-aware. Practice asserting yourself and standing up for what you truly need, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Principle 2: Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Next up, let's talk about boundaries. Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial for protecting your mental health and emotional health. It's about defining what is and isn't acceptable in your relationships and sticking to those limits. These boundaries are for your own mental health and help you feel a sense of self-esteem and help you get rid of the anxiety you have from constantly trying to make others happy, which is an impossible task. Boundaries help foster respect and mutual understanding in your relationships.
Principle 3: Putting Yourself First
Last but not least, it's time to put yourself first. Prioritize your own well-being and happiness above all else. Remember, you are not responsible for the happiness of others. Focus on what brings you joy and fulfillment, and surround yourself with people and friends who support and uplift you. By accepting yourself as the prize, and emitting your genuine personality this will help you attract the true friends you have always been dreaming of.
You don’t have to be friends with everyone and you shouldn’t have to be! Your true friends are out there, by being more aware and working on your own self improvement, you will attract the energy you are putting out to those who will truly resonate with you.
Make that commitment to applying these principles and nurture those connections that enrich your life. I'm here to offer you guidance and support through this journey.
If you're craving more tips on navigating the wonderful world of friendships or just want to chat, shoot me an email at Adammichlaw@gmail.com, or fill out the contact form below. I'm always here to lend an ear and provide guidance using skills or lessons i’ve learned through psychotherapy and coaching.
Until next time, keep spreading those good vibes and building those beautiful connections.
This is Adam Law with Wanderings.
Comments